Erlkönig: tandem-story-failure-2.shtml

[collected 2002-10-05 18:55:14 CDT (Oct Sat) 1033862114]
[notice the embellishments and changes since the 2000 sample]

College Theme Paper: He VS She 
  
- And we wonder how wars get started.

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? 
Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an 
American University. 

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.  The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his
or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a
short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another
paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph,
and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each
time, in order to keep the story coherent.  There is to be absolutely NO
talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The
story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: 
Rebecca - last name deleted, and Jim - last name deleted. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

STORY: 
(first paragraph by Rebecca) 
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The 
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, 
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, 
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, 
keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if 
she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. 
So chamomile was out of the question. 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 

(second paragraph by Jim) 
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack 
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to 
think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo 
named Laurie, with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year 
ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17", he said into his transgalactic 
communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far... 
" But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of 
nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from 
the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
(Rebecca) 
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he 
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman 
who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped 
its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. 
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War & Space Travel," 
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously 
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of 
her youth, when the days had passed hurriedly and carefree, with no 
newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of 
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must 
one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered 
wistfully. 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
(Jim) 
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. 
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship 
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy 
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty 
through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile 
alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. 
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anu'udrian ships 
were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the 
entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their 
diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere 
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine 
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the 
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, 
Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his 
fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto 
that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!" 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
(Rebecca) 
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. 
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate 
adolescent. 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
(Jim) 
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts 
at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have some 
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? 
Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels." 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
(Rebecca) 
Ass hole. 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
(Jim) 
Bitch. 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
(Rebecca) 
Wanker. 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
(Jim) 
Slut. 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
(Rebecca) 
Get f*cked. 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
(Jim) 
Eat shit. 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
(Rebecca) 
F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!! 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
(Jim) 
Go drink some tea - whore. 
********************************************** 
(teacher) 
A+ - I really liked this one.